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Ted

7/10
Comedy . Fantasy
 

John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear or his girlfriend, Lori.

 
Actors: Mark Wahlberg , Mila Kunis , Seth MacFarlane , Joel McHale , Giovanni Ribisi , Patrick Warburton , Matt Walsh , Jessica Barth , Aedin Mincks , Bill Smitrovich
Directors: Seth MacFarlane
Country: USA
Release: 2012-06-29
More Info:
  • Kyle Smith

    The surprise of Ted is that it goes for honest Spielbergian wonder, too, and even earns some tears.

    New York Post Full Review
  • Steven Rea

    Ted is really a rather sweet examination of loyalty, friendship, and love. Wahlberg and Kunis are charming together (though not exactly in a Cary Grant / Audrey Hepburn kind of way), and both manage to play this thing - at least the challenges-of-a-serious-relationship part of this thing - straight.

    Philadelphia Inquirer Full Review
  • Roger Ebert

    The funniest movie character so far this year is a stuffed teddy bear. And the best comedy screenplay so far is Ted, the saga of the bear's friendship with a 35-year-old manchild.

    Chicago Sun-Times Full Review
  • Steve Persall

    It's often convulsively funny.

    Tampa Bay Times Full Review
  • Tony Horkins

    A fabulous first live-action effort, combining R-rated hilarity with skilled storytelling as it slips some real heart into the stuffing of a toy bear.

    Total Film Full Review
  • Andrew O'Hehir

    In a universe of Hollywood comedies that seem determined to insult the audience and pander to the basest form of post-adolescent fantasy, Ted feels almost sophisticated.

    Salon.com Full Review
  • David Edelstein

    Ted runs out of invention in its last act (the bear is coveted by a chillingly deadpan sociopath, played by Giovanni Ribisi, and the villain's fat son), but I can't think of a better movie to see if you're male and want to get high and relive your idiot adolescence.

    New York Magazine (Vulture) Full Review
  • J.R. Jones

    MacFarlane gets an impressive amount of comic mileage from having a plush toy talk like a Boston low-life, though for gut laughs nothing compares to the brutal, frantic, and completely wordless fight scene between Wahlberg and his little buddy in a cheap hotel room.

    Chicago Reader Full Review
  • Mary Pols

    This is no-holds-barred humor of the finest, grossest kind, centered around the theme of arrested development.

    Time Full Review
  • Pete Hammond

    Movies don't get much funnier than Ted.

    Boxoffice Magazine Full Review
  • Todd McCarthy

    Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep on rolling with regularity from beginning to end, but Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut does so and without any feeling of strain.

    The Hollywood Reporter Full Review
  • Shawn Levy

    Ted may not be profound or deft, but when it hits the sweet-sour spot, which it does regularly, it can win you over.

    Portland Oregonian Full Review
  • James Berardinelli

    Ted is essentially a one-joke movie. Okay, it's a very funny joke, but it's still only one joke.

    ReelViews Full Review
  • Ty Burr

    A crass, foul-mouthed, mostly hilarious, surprisingly sentimental bromance.

    Boston Globe Full Review
  • Stephanie Zacharek

    One of the tricks of Ted -- perhaps its smartest one -- is that everyone, not just John, knows the bear can talk.

    Movieline Full Review
  • Peter Travers

    It's hysterically, gut-bustingly funny.

    Rolling Stone Full Review
  • Nathan Rabin

    Ted is never stronger than when Wahlberg and MacFarlane's Ted hang out, riff, and luxuriate in an easy friendship, but as it lurches to a conclusion, Ted unwisely devotes far too much of its time to a plot it would be better off ignoring.

    The A.V. Club Full Review
  • Rex Reed

    Most of Ted eludes description, analysis and explanation. You just have to hold onto your own certifiable sense of humor and let Mr. MacFarlane take you where he wants to go. Then get out of the way and enjoy it.

    New York Observer Full Review
  • Betsy Sharkey

    The comic targets run the gamut - race, religion, relationships, reality, etc. While nothing is sacred, the sacrilege comes with just enough sweetness to offset the salt.

    Los Angeles Times Full Review
  • Staff (Not credited)

    As unabashedly idiotic movie comedies go, Ted goes fairly well.

    The Globe and Mail (Toronto) Full Review
  • Claudia Puig

    This bromance with rapid-fire quips, however, is undermined by unoriginal scenarios and a long, drawn-out chase scene.

    USA Today Full Review
  • Mike Scott

    Unapologetically raw -- and very funny.

    New Orleans Times-Picayune Full Review
  • Elizabeth Weitzman

    True chemistry is hard to find. And by some stroke of movie magic - or sheer skill - Wahlberg and the bear make a pretty great team.

    New York Daily News Full Review
  • David Fear

    MacFarlane may need to jettison his adolescent belief that cramming every moment with two winks and a zinger exponentially ups the gutbusting, however, before he can hit his real artistic stride.

    Time Out New York Full Review
  • Lisa Schwarzbaum

    And yet. And yet, Gawd help me, the always surprising Mark Wahlberg throws himself into his thespian adventure with such radiant wacko energy, so full of Boston beans, that Ted is also kind of, well, impressively nuts.

    Entertainment Weekly Full Review
  • Amy Biancolli

    For all of its transgressive plush-toy sex and screw-'em humor, the plot is pretty standard stuff.

    San Francisco Chronicle Full Review
  • Michael Phillips

    You can find this clever, or you can find it lazy, and this is why MacFarlane is the biggest mixed blessing in contemporary TV comedy: He is both.

    Chicago Tribune Full Review
  • Rene Rodriguez

    Ted is more of an idea than a movie, a string of jokes and homages starring a cartoon and some game actors whose performances are destined to be enjoyed in chunks, rarely from start to finish, during momentary breaks of channel surfing on late-night TV.

    Miami Herald Full Review
  • Marc Savlov

    So what's not to love? For starters, there's the inescapable fact that Ted is, no matter how you stuff it, yet another man-child buddy movie – and all that that implies.

    Austin Chronicle Full Review
  • Bill Goodykoontz

    The one-note joke plays out longer and better than you might expect, at least for a while. But not forever.

    Arizona Republic Full Review
  • Peter Debruge

    A predictably irreverent satire that's sweeter and, sadly, less funny than you might expect.

    Variety Full Review
  • Joe Morgenstern

    Ted is often hilarious, sometimes sweet and, in the spirit of "Family Guy," consistently raunchy. Yet it's seriously overextended and, as the premise wears ever thinner, frantically overproduced.

    Wall Street Journal Full Review
  • A.O. Scott

    The sin of Ted is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur.

    The New York Times Full Review
  • Melissa Anderson

    It's dispiriting enough to witness Kunis still waiting for a comic lead role worthy of her. But the usually nimble Wahlberg - who at least has one great moment rattling off "white-trash girls' names" - suffers the most, playing second fiddle to a knee-high Gund knockoff.

    Village Voice Full Review
  • Joe Holleman

    Ted does not only break before it ends. It snaps back so violently that it very well may knock out of your mind any recollection that the movie is fairly entertaining for about 30 minutes.

    St. Louis Post-Dispatch Full Review
  • Ann Hornaday

    Eventually MacFarlane's formula -- consisting of filthy, ethnically offensive jokes, scatological humor, tacky pop culture references and random cameos -- begins to wear thin.

    Washington Post Full Review
  • Nick Schager

    Seth MacFarlane's comedic modus operandi is to shock with outrageousness and pander with TV and movie citations via one non sequitur after another, a strategy that leads to a few laughs but nothing approaching lasting humor.

    Slant Magazine Full Review
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  • 47. Climbing the Tower / She's Your Thunder Buddy Now Performer: Walter Murphy Stream Music Online

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  • friendship

  • love

  • teddy bear

  • toy comes to life

  • wishes come true

  • sex scene

  • testicle

  • car accident

  • 2010s

  • 1980s

  • cartoon on tv

  • f word

  • year 2012

  • year 1985

  • friend

  • christmas

  • boss

  • car

  • talking teddy bear

  • boy

  • party

  • smoking

  • woman moaning from pleasure

  • moaning woman

  • woman moaning

  • moaning

  • first part

  • box office hit

  • arrogance

  • kiss

  • kissing while having sex

  • long blonde hair

  • long brown hair

  • brunette

  • blonde woman

  • blonde

  • reference to family guy

  • football

  • reference to tom brady

  • reference to james bond

  • reference to twitter

  • reference to cheers

  • reference to indiana jones

  • reference to star wars

  • stuffing

  • child swearing

  • reference to godzilla

  • hostage

  • alley

  • security guard

  • dressing room

  • scene before opening credits

  • slow motion scene

  • art collector

  • painting

  • piano

  • ends with wedding

  • house party

  • deception

  • drunkenness

  • toy gun

  • hallucination

  • party game

  • italian american

  • supermarket

  • cameo

  • job interview

  • nightclub

  • fantasy sequence

  • bathtub

  • watching tv

  • bar

  • restaurant

  • falling from height

  • severed ear

  • chase

  • foot chase

  • body landing on a car

  • car crash

  • escape

  • rescue

  • fanatic

  • park

  • black comedy

  • ethnic slur

  • gay slur

  • photograph

  • flashback

  • montage

  • employee employer relationship

  • employee employee relationship

  • apartment

  • brawl

  • boyfriend girlfriend relationship

  • fistfight

  • resurrection

  • back from the dead

  • torso cut in half

  • punched in the face

  • product placement

  • cell phone

  • head butt

  • stabbed in the hand

  • threatened with a knife

  • knife

  • marijuana joint

  • pot smoking

  • stadium

  • directed by co star

  • voice over narration

  • flatulence

  • excrement

  • fart joke

  • scatological humor

  • gross out humor

  • obscene finger gesture

  • rainstorm

  • heavy rain

  • lightning

  • magic

  • anthropomorphism

  • snow

  • studio logo segues into film

  • absurdism

  • crazy humor

  • slapstick comedy

  • whip

  • whipping

  • rascal

  • spanking

  • scolding

  • ritual

  • male rear nudity

  • beating

  • abuse

  • budweiser

  • multiple time frames

  • christmas tree

  • anti semitism

  • sexual harassment

  • lecherous boss

  • rocking horse

  • asian stereotype

  • fat boy

  • marriage proposal

  • shooting star

  • thunder

  • reference to joan crawford

  • reference to susan boyle

  • hide and seek

  • reference to taylor lautner

  • knocking a hole in a wall

  • concert

  • reference to katy perry

  • bare butt

  • fight

  • reference to james franco

  • duck

  • cocaine

  • karaoke

  • double date

  • reference to sinead o'connor

  • bong

  • obscene gesture

  • anniversary

  • rental car agency

  • reference to channing tatum

  • reference to justin bieber

  • christmas present

  • reference to flash gordon

  • flash gordon

  • narration

  • what happened to epilogue

  • cosmic zoom

  • wisecrack humor

  • crude humor

  • slapstick

  • drug humor

  • bromance

  • hdtv

  • playstation 3

  • villain arrested

  • fenway park

  • 80s

  • disco

  • dance

  • massachusetts

  • boston massachusetts

  • church

  • gay kiss

  • homophobia

  • singer

  • city

  • hotel

  • office

  • tv

  • gay friend

  • market

  • wedding

  • marijuana

  • prostitute

  • gay couple

  • homosexuality

  • homosexual

  • gay

  • beer

  • reconciliation

  • car chase

  • baseball stadium

  • stalker

  • break up

  • kidnapping

  • stalking

  • wild party

  • grocery store

  • coming of age

  • written by director

  • surprise ending

  • facebook

  • negative asian stereotype

  • one word title

  • title spoken by character

  • character name in title

1